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Listening carefully to a person's concerns seems to be a concept so simple to grasp
and so easy to do that one may wonder why it needs to be studied. But effective listening is not so simple. What people are looking for from a
listener is not someone who can simply repeat their words. A tape recorder would suffice for that. People want their listener to be present
psychologically, socially and emotionally. This kind of listening takes skill, practice and effort.
Listening to and Understanding Nonverbal Behavior
Effective helpers learn how to listen to and read:
- bodily behavior - posture, body movements and gestures
- facial expressions - smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows, twisted lips
- voice-related behavior - tone of voice, pitch, intensity, spacing of words, emphasis, pauses and rate of speech.
- observable physiological responses - quickened breathing, blushing, paleness, pupil dilation
- physical characteristics - fitness, height, weight, complexion
- general appearance - grooming and dress
"Reading" is used here instead of "interpreting" and caution is a must. We listen in order to understand
others rather than dissect them. Reading also implies that all the data we need is presented before us. It is not hidden or cryptic. At
the same time, non-verbal behaviors can often mean a number of things. How do we know which meaning is the real one? The key is context.
Effective helpers listen to the entire context of the helping interview and do not become overly fixated on details of behavior.
Listening to and Understanding Verbal Messages
We also need to listen carefully to people as they describe their situation. A problem is
clear if it can be understood in terms of specific experiences, specific behaviors, and
specific feelings and emotions. The listener's job is to help the person achieve this
kind of clarity. In order to do this the listener must ask him or herself: "What are the
core messages here? What themes are breaking through? What does this person want me to
understand?" The listener's first instinct is not to formulate responses to what the
person is saying, but just to listen.
Listening to and Understanding Clients in Context
People are more than the sum of their verbal and non-verbal messages. Listening in its deepest sense means listening to clients themselves as influenced
by the contexts in which they live or in which we meet them. People cannot be separated from their contexts.
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