Types of Loss

Relationship Loss
Relationship loss is the ending of opportunities to relate oneself to, talk with, share experiences with, make love to, touch, settle issues with, fight with, and otherwise be in the emotional and/or physical presence of another human being. Relationship loss may be temporary or permanent, but it always comes. It may be partial, as when a friend moves to another city, or total, as with the loss of a spouse.

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Material Loss
Material loss is the loss of a physical object or of familiar surroundings to which one has an important attachment. Unfortunately, as adults, we attempt to minimize this type of loss and the impact it has on us. Our theology could be used to interpret attachment to things as idolatry and materialism. Our culture teaches us not to be too sentimental. Both of these deny the fact that we invest objects with extrinsic value - it is valuable because of where it came from and who it may represent - and with intrinsic value - some quality the object itself possesses.

Intrapsychic Loss
Intrapsychic loss is the experience of losing an emotionally important image of oneself, losing the possibilities of "what might have been", abandonment of plans for the future, the dying of a dream. This type of loss is often related to an external experience though it is itself an entirely inward experience. Very often what we lose has been a secret seldom, if ever, shared with others. As a result, our loss is also a secret. This loss can occur when we learn something "bad" about a hero, when we have that first fight in a new marriage, or when we accomplish a goal for which we have worked all our life.

Functional Loss
Powerful grief can be evoked when we lose some of the physical functions of the body. This is called functional loss. This type of loss is frequently, though not exclusively, associated with aging. Going blind at 75, however, is no less painful than going blind at 15 even if it does happen more often. Functional loss often results in a loss of autonomy, and is accompanied by the intrapsychic loss of no longer being able to see oneself as one who "can manage."

Role Loss
The loss of a specific social role or of one's accustomed place in a social network is experienced as role loss. The significance of role loss to the individual varies. Retirement, promotion, marriage, divorce, going back to school, having a child - all are examples of this type of loss. Disorientation is a large part of this loss and involves a sense of not knowing how to behave in social situations.

Systemic Loss
Systemic loss occurs when the system in which we have developed some interactional pattern or expectation changes. Even without a strong personal relationship to others in the system, one may count on certain functions being performed within the system. When these functions change or are no more, the whole system experiences systemic loss. A good example of this type of loss occurs when children leave their family of origin. While some degree of relationship loss is also experienced, many express their loss by saying, "Our family will never be the same again".